A Peak into a Dreamy World for a Reality Check – Have you ever been in love with someone? How does it feel? Does it complete you or you always end up getting hurt? But what is love? Does it happen once, twice, or it happens every time?
If love is so strong, then what puts a love story to suspend, when it is the same two people who are there from the beginning till end? Have you ever thought about what changes amid their love blend?These questions have always plagued our minds.
So, what is love?
Love is sometimes all that you need, and other times it may not seem anything less than a battlefield.
Love is as smooth as a quiet stream, oh no, it can also be a roller coaster ride where you want to scream.
Love is emotion, love is patience, and love helps us understand other beings.
Love is protection, love is affection, its a sin when it becomes an obsession.
Love makes you selfless, but when unrequited, you can become helpless.
Love is a choice to commit, where every single day you do your bit.
Love has different meanings for different people. Some fall in love with a pretty face, while others fall in love with intellectual grace. Some seek emotional connection, while others might only be in for physical attraction. There are a hundred ways in which love can be defined, but the only true definition is ‘love is divine’.
Still, why does it cause so much pain, whereas it should give you comfort, peace of mind, and the feeling which is one of a kind?
The answer to this is – love never hurts anyone; it is us who put love into a stream of ‘conditions’ where it dies with suffocation. Just like when you hold a dove too tight, it would die, so why not ‘conditions’ would make your love cry?
When I hear anecdotes of broken relationships, somehow or the other, these are the same things that put love to lose its grip.
So what are these?
Controlling the Other
It is a good thing to care for your loved one and helping them with suggestions or advice whenever needed. Anything in excess is bad and later becomes the cause of resentment – a common reason why many people feel unappreciated and criticized by their partner, whereas all they were doing was fixing things for them. Another thing is, imposing your preferences on the other. Two people have different choices, opinions, tastes, and preferences as the result of their rearing; thus, one must enjoy the similarities and respect the differences instead of imposing our likes on the other person. The idea of love is to give freedom and not control.
Too Many Expectations, Too Soon!
Have you ever been there? It all starts beautifully with so much love in the air. We see everything through the rose-tinted glasses. Late-night phone calls, non-stop text messaging, sweet meetings and greetings, cuddling, affirmations, validations, and romance, but then what happens suddenly, everything is tossed for a chance? These are the relationships that start so well but end in vain within a few months. Nothing falls apart overnight. It is when so many expectations start kicking in, that without even realizing we overburden our significant other to stand up to our expectations. The key to love is to take it slow. It takes time for two people to adapt to each other’s lifestyles.
Focusing Solely on Own Needs
We usually don’t realize how mean we become some times when it comes to fulfilling our wants. We become so blind to our desires that we are unable to see anything beyond ourselves; and that’s what happens in most of the relationships. We expect our partners to do things for us, while we fail to do the same for them and take them for granted. Love is a two-way street. Love means putting your loved one’s happiness and well-being above your own. When both the partners put equal efforts in meeting each others’ needs by sacrificing some of theirs, the result is a beautiful fulfilling relationship.
Letting your Ego Talk
It is evident that there are likely to be some disagreements, and many times these take the form of a full-fledged quarrel between two loving people failing to find a common ground of settlement. In such circumstances, we fail to keep a control on our exasperation and let our ego do the talking. Guess what, as they say, nothing kills a relationship faster than ego. Try refraining yourself to speak in a fit of anger, following this advice you would thank yourself later. So the next time between pride and love, what would you choose? Well, not something that can cost you your loving goose.
Not on Same Page
When two persons are not on the same page it means they are lacking compatibility. Often the so-called love starts with physical attraction, but what if they happen to be on completely two different pages, for example, clashing life goals, values, and interests etc.? Have you heard them saying that they met the right person at a wrong time or a wrong place? Oops! Well if you truly love the person, the two of you should be able to find the common grounds in the relationship to abide by. There can be no barriers when two souls have committed to be with one another.
Focusing on Flaws & Comparison
Every person has different characteristics, behavior, attitude, and mentality, which has taken shape throughout their upbringing. They have been brought up with a set of skills, personality traits, and thought process which is now inherited in them. Not everyone has all the qualities that one might be looking for, as no one is 100 percent. Oftentimes we focus on our partner’s flaws, shortcomings, and vulnerabilities instead of seeing them as a blend of good and bad. There is no rose without thorns! We compare them with others and fail to accept them as a whole. We fail to see inside their soul, the depth of their heart, and all the beauty of who they are. There are more positives underneath, than the flaws on the surface. You just need to dig a little deeper!
Withdrawal of Emotions
The grass is not greener on the other side, it is greener where you water it. The same way, if one is not pouring enough of emotions into the relationship, it will dry out. People get emotionally withdrawn for so many reasons which may or may not be related to their partner, for example, outside pressure like work stress & financial instability, anger, fear of intimacy or rejection, etc. They bottle up their feelings and become quieter and quieter in the relationship, which triggers their partner to feel angry, unloved, and unwanted; this silent treatment is strong enough to sabotage their relationship. Express! It is very important to express your feelings to your partner from time to time, so that the issues can be worked upon, otherwise the relationship is going to take the downfall.
Would you give your partner a second chance after infidelity? Infidelity can be emotional and physical. When your significant other starts getting more emotionally attached to the third person or becomes physically attracted to them to the extent of developing a sexual relationship, it is mentally shattering. One starts feeling that they are not enough for their partner, and this not only damages their current relationship but also affects their future relationships as they develop trust issues. Many people try to give a second chance to their cheating partners for the sake of their love or, lets say, their ‘attachment’ to them. But the question is, can you fix the mirror once it is broken, without leaving a scar?
Lucky are those who have found true love in their life, so when you find ‘THE ONE’, don’t take it for granted, because you never know whether you would ever come across any such ‘soulful connection’ again in future. We often realize the importance of someone when they are gone, and most of the time it is too late to react. As said, love is divine, don’t let it die.. !!
If you have any comments about your experience in love, please share them in the comment box below.